Bucking the Trend(s)

The NASFT Winter Fancy Food Show wrapped up several weeks ago in San Francisco.  (You weren’t aware of this?  Shame, shame.)  Although Feast did not attend this year, I feel obligated to share comedic food and beverage trends for 2011 announced at the show.

The Top Five Food Trends at the Winter Fancy Food Show (as per a carefully selected group of trend-spotters that none of us at Feast were asked to join) are as follows:

1) Chocolate for Breakfast: Tea, Belgian waffles, granola and hot chocolate on a stick. [Aren’t we all fat enough? Is there any reason to start eating chocolate earlier in the day?  The idea of hot chocolate on a stick makes me absolutely giddy (and also a bit confused based on the laws of physics) but this trend crosses a line.]

2) Foods for Healing: Ancient healing teas, Blackwater with 77 minerals, aloe and cucumber drinks, plus micro-batches of healthful beverages. [A bit ironic given trend #1 endorses chocolate tea. What the heck is *Blackwater? Why would someone name a beverage after a shady private military company? Water should never be anything other than clear. I don’t want to drink aloe- not now, not ever.]

3) New Noodles: Yam, kelp, farro and spelt. [Ick, yuck, gross, no thanks.]

4) Heat with Flavor: Ghost peppers, yuzu-wasabi sauce and piquillo almond glop. [The ghost pepper is one of the world’s hottest chili peppers- roughly 401.5 times hotter than Tabasco sauce. Let’s set fire to our tongue and esophagus! Yippee! The formal definition of Glop, “noun, unappetizing food, esp. of a semi-liquid consistency.” Mmmmmm tasty.]

5) Creative Chips: pinto bean, naan, peas, mung beans, kale and wild rice. [Is there a potato famine that I’m unaware of?  Is someone mad at the potato? Did he borrow DVDs from your house and never return them? I was pretty sure we had a good thing going with the potato, but apparently not.]

So there you have it, a plethora of underwhelming trends for 2011. Frankly, Feast has never been labeled as trendy…and perhaps that’s not a bad thing. I can promise the food selections at Feast will always be delicious. I’ll take delicious over trendy every day of the week.

*If I consume Blackwater will I too get wonderful “Jazz Hands” like the folks on their homepage? My wife has incredible “Jazz Hands” – might she be drinking Blackwater behind my back?

A guy dressed like a panda handing out licorice. This stuff actually happens at food shows.

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